“Pagod na ako” is a phrase I’ve been trying so hard to keep out of my mind. I have this belief that you will become whatever you tell yourself so I’ve been doing a lot of self-motivation and been refraining from any self-inflicted negative vibes.
It’s almost the end of my first semester in medical school and I have been really busy EVERY SINGLE DAY. I wake up very early and sleep very late. Academic stuffs consume most of my time. Exams, reading assignments, reports, etc. This is my life everyday.
Until I came to a point when no matter how much I tell myself I can do it or I am not giving up, I can’t anymore deny the reality that I AM TIRED. More than that, I AM ALREADY EXHAUSTED. It’s hard to admit at first, being myself, who wants to stand up for whatever I have started. But I realized I am only human. And just like all these biochemical mechanisms we’ve been studying, there will really be a time when all ATPs/energies will be consumed and the what was once called the vicious cycle will come to end.
So I came home late one night, exhausted from a day-long study session, and laid to bed. In that instance, no matter how much I try to repress, my train-of-thoughts was running on the railway of exhaustion. I stared blankly on space for a minute or so until I had enough courage to tell myself, YOU ARE TIRED. Yes Ica, you are!
A heavy burden seems to have been lifted the moment I whispered that phrase I have been avoiding for so long. I am tired.
I stayed laid back in bed for another five or ten minutes and tried to reflect on my day-to-day routine. I realized that I am already in a state of negative balance wherein I’ve been using up too much strength and not gaining enough to compensate. AND THEN IT STRUCK ME.
I have not been refilling from the Fountain of strength. MY FOUNTAIN OF STRENGTH.
I know it is a common struggle to fervently keep a devotional life amidst a very busy schedule. I mean, I’ve been trying my best not to miss out on my devotional readings and prayers but it felt like I have been taking it for granted. I miss those moments when I just soak in to His words and then kneel down and pray for no matter how long I wanted. It’s very different these past few days when I just read quickly through a verse or two pray for three minutes and then proceed with my day.
So the moment I realized my exhaustion and my need for His strength, I immediately got up from my bed, cleared my table, picked up my Bible and started a heart-felt experience at the feet of Jesus. Because I lost track of my Bible readings, I opened randomly on the book of Psalms—my go-to Bible book. The Lord is just amazing because He gives us just what we specifically need for particular seasons. This time He gave me this verse in Psalm 71:16.
I will go in the strength of the Lord.
I paused for a moment and let these words sink in.
Being a musical person, I can’t help but sing a few verses from the song His Strength is Perfect.
His strength is perfect when our strength is gone; He’ll carry us when we can’t carry on. Raised in His power the weak becomes strong; His strength is perfect
His strength is perfect
And then the Holy Spirit inspired me to get my spiritual journal where I scribble down lessons and messages I read or hear. I browsed through my entries on the early months of this year and I found this page saying “His promise still stands”.
What God says, He will do.
Tonight He told me to go in His strength. My only task is to claim this promise.
I knelt down in prayer and cried it all out to the Lord.
A heavy burden has been lifted. I felt renewed. He said, Come to me you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.
Come weary child
Rest beside me for a while
I know your cares
The burdens that you bear
Hide in my love
Abide in my love